Beach Battles, Part 2

“We can live beside the ocean

Leave the fire behind

Swim out past the breakers

Watch the world die”

Welcome back to another edition of Beach Battles! WWE Summerslam is about to celebrate its 30th anniversary,  so we’re celebrating this last blast of summer by taking a look back at the other big summer-themed PPV main events of the past.

We did this last year with Halloween Havoc and it was a blast. If you missed those, just click here to check them out – Havoc Headliners.

Also, if you missed Part 1, make sure to go back and read that one, too. We take a look at the main events from Beach Blast 1992 and ’93, as well as the first ever Bash At The Beach! It’s ok – we’ll just sit here and throw the beach ball around while you catch up:

Beach Battles, Part 1

Caught up? Good! Today, it’s more Bash At The Beach, as Hulk Hogan continues his reign over WCW, both in the red and yellow AND the black and white. Let’s do this!

BASH AT THE BEACH 1995

WCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE STEEL CAGE MATCH

Hulk Hogan (c) (w/Jimmy Hart & Dennis Rodman)

vs. Big Van Vader

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When we last left Beach Battles, Hulk Hogan had made his WCW debut and quickly ascended to the top of the heap by defeating World Heavyweight Champ Ric Flair.  The Hogan/Flair feud culminated at Halloween Havoc ’94, where Hulk defeated Flair in a Steel Cage Career Match, thus vanquishing the Nature Boy from WCW forever.

By the dawn of 1995, Hogan had found a new challenger to his WCW Title in the form of 450 pound mastodon and former champ Big Van Vader.  Vader, who closed out ’94 by separating from manager Harley Race and annihilating “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan for the United States Title, declared that Hogan couldn’t avoid WCW’s resident monster any longer. The two squared off in the main event of SuperBrawl V.

Unfortunately, forever ended the night of SuperBrawl and Ric Flair made his return to WCW by attacking the Hulkster during the main event, getting Vader disqualified. (Forever = about three months.)  Vader got a non-title rematch at the inaugural Uncensored PPV – this time in a leather strap match. Once again, Flair would show up and cost the Mastodon the match.

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Just two dudes chillin’ and being normal.

Deciding he needed friends with better judgment, Big Van Vader threw in with the Dungeon Of Doom, a group of like minded individuals who also hated Hulk Hogan.  Because having Kamala and The Shark by your side just can’t fail.

Granted another title shot at Bash At The Beach ’95, Vader began his Roadkill Tour – an event that saw him brutalizing jobbers and just slaying fools from the east coast to the west coast. It was all a sadistic warm-up for ending Hulkamania.  Somewhere around this time, Vader became the first and only man to be stripped of the US Title for being too violent.  Let that sink in…I love Vader.

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Ambassador Dennis Rodman

To combat Vader’s Dungeon pals, Hulk Hogan enlisted the help of NBA bad boy Dennis Rodman, who I believe is making his first WCW appearance here.  If you’re counting, 100% of the Bash at the Beach main events have featured NBA players thus far.

With Rodman in place, we were all set for Bash At The Beach, and OH BOY, have I waited for this one.  Not only did Bash At The Beach ’95 go down in Huntington Beach, CA, it went down ON HUNTINGTON BEACH.  That’s right, stick a ring in the sand and everyone gather round – this one was EXACTLY how you imagined these Beach PPVs would go down!

We’re welcomed by Tony Schiavone and Bobby Heenan, dressed in red polo shirts and shades.  We went from Beach Blast casual to Bash At The Beach business attire and now we’re business casual.  How many dress code change memos did WCW send out in the 90’s?

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I hope the beach isn’t too crowded today, kids!

Tony calls the audience a capacity crowd, which even Bobby Heenan laughs at, since obviously if you were at capacity for a standing room outdoor beach event, people would literally be falling in the water.  But it’s a good crowd for an outdoor event – Wiki lists the attendance as 9,500.

To add to the beach theme, the semi-main event features Ric Flair vs. Randy Savage in a “Lifeguard Match”, which is actually just a Lumberjack Match but on the beach.  Gotta give them points for trying though.

We get to main event time, and Mean Gene has Big Van Vader backstage.  Vader says he fears no man and feels no pain.  He says he grew up in Los Angeles, and while Hulk Hogan’s butt was out tanning with his new car, Vader was fighting for survival. (I googled and it looks like Vader legit grew up in South Central.)  Good promo from the Mastodon.

Tony and Bobby Heenan plug the upcoming Collision In Korea PPV, which I’ve never even heard of.  Turns out, it was a joint New Japan/WCW event held in April of ’95.  It’s also not on the WWE Network, so did it really happen?

Bobby Heenan notes that this Bash makes Woodstock look like a backyard BBQ.  I’m not even sure why those two events warrant a comparison, but yeah, to hell with Woodstock.

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Rodman’s face when he realizes he and Hulk wore the same outfit.

Hulkster and Rodman (aka Rod The Bod) are now with Mean Gene and Hulk goes on one of his crazy promos, talking about how the Baywatch babes are going to distract Vader and then Hogan is going to throw him in the ocean and feed his “filthy, stinky, wart-infested body” to the great whites.  That is hurtful. That is just hurtful.  And you wonder why Vader lashes out.

Hogan says that we all know the match’s steel cage stipulation is BS because someone always interferes.  How astute.  Hulk says that’s why he has Rod The Bod here, who he says will take anyone who interfere by the face and “flory dory” it on the steel cage. Yep, flory dory. That thing people do all the time.

Also, during this interview, Rodman just randomly puts his hand on Hulk’s cheek while he’s talking, to which Hulk says, “Easy big man.” Sexy.

So let’s get to the match. Vader makes his way down in that monstrous mask that everyone loves.  Michael Buffer is doing the hard sell, saying Vader is the only person in history to win 11 world titles in 3 years.  It’s an odd statistic but it sounds great. Buffer calls Vader the Master of the Vadersault and the Powerbomb, in a nice little nod to Beach Blast ’93.

Vader makes his way into the cage, and it just looks TINY.  Like, more a fence than a cage.  It may be 6 and a half feet?  Plus, the sides are tied together with red cloth straps.  Someone DEFINITELY forgot to pack the cage. Someone in a Bash At The Beach polo just walked of Lowe’s half an hour ago.

Vader spits and mouths “motherf*cker” at someone because he’s Vader and he’s big and he’s stinky and his body is infested with warts.

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This is Baywatch, and on Baywatch, we run.

The Champ makes his way to the ring, escorted by an entourage that includes the Baywatch cast.  It’s like a No Way Jose conga line with Pamela Anderson.  Buffer calls Hogan the “King of Hulkamania”, which I’d never heard, but left me pondering the societal and political structure of Hulkamania as a whole.

The bell rings and Hogan rips the shirt, then starts choking Vader with the remnants. New rules, brother!  Hulk starts forcing the rags into Vader’s mouth and Dennis Rodman gives his nod of approval to this weird S&M moment.

Speaking of Rodman, the camera cuts to him sitting in a chair.  When he realizes the camera is on him, he jumps up and starts cheering on the Hulkster.  Dude, the match is like 15 minutes long – you gotta have a chair?  Jimmy Hart ain’t have no chair.

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Look at me, I’m ugly and covered in warts!

Hogan smashes Vader’s head into his own mask, which was mounted in one of the corners of the cage.  He then PUTS ON VADER’S MASK and starts mocking Vader in it. FIVE STARS!!!

Vader eventually gains control, and we get a slow brutalization of Hulkamania. It’s everything we’ve dreamed of.  Vader hits a nasty Vaderbomb and the crowd audibly exhales. Vader screams, “How bout that boy?” in Hogan’s face, then goes up and hits a second Vaderbomb. It’s all Hulk can do to kick out of these two finishers.

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Not sure what’s going on here.

The Mastodon is in control for a good portion of the match. Hogan tried to comeback and hit the bodyslam, but the big man is too big. Heenan notes that if you’re gonna pick him up, you’re gonna need to call Triple A. Good line.

Jimmy Hart tries to start a Hogan chant outside the cage.  Am I the only person who finds Jimmy Hart absolutely insufferable? He may be the most shameless schill in a business full of shameless schills.

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Somebody forgot the real cage, didn’t they brother?

Hulk starts making his comeback. He calls for the Wrestlemania III Andre The Giant bodyslam spot and hits it, but it hurts him.  No one is making Vader-Andre comparisons because Vader was in a league of his own when it came to speed and power. Also, he wasn’t a giant.

Vader goes up to the second rope and hits a splash on Hogan, but Hulk kicks out and starts his Hulk Up.  Time to take this one home, brother.  Tony Schiavone screams, “Hulkamania is ALIIIIIVE in Huntington Beach!” but he says “alive” all weird like he’s doing a Dr. Frankenstein impression.  Wrong PPV, Tone.

Vader tries to smash Hogan’s face into the cage, but Hulk Hogan is basically Jason Vorhees when he’s hulking up.  He’s big and slow and predictable and he can’t be stopped.  Also, Hulkster loves his mom.

Hogan hits the big boot, but Vader won’t go down.  He goes for another, which connects with Vader’s considerable gut.  That takes him down.  WE’VE FOUND HIS WEAKNESS – IT’S HIS BELLY!

Hulk is ready to take it home, but out comes the Dungeon of Doom! It’s The Taskmaster and Zodiac, just as Hulk predicted! Rodman takes the cue and flory dories the hell out of Zodiac. The Bod grabs a chair and Zodiac and Taskmaster run away like he’s brandishing a shotgun.

Back in the cage, Hogan hits the legdrop, then starts posing.  He hits a second legdrop for good measure and Vader has to be dead. TWO LEGDROPS?? Schiavone is screaming about Hogan going for the 1-2-3.  Hulk asks the crowd if they want the 1-2-3.  He then goes to climb the cage. Huh.

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You guys want the 1-2-3? Sorry.

Vader has somehow miraculously survived from the two legdrops and he chases Hogan up the cage (I say “up”, but really Hulk was within an inch of just swinging his leg over the top, Kevin Nash style. This cage sucks.)   Vader “climbs” the cage and the two start sharing chops.  Vader gets the worst of it and awkwardly falls to the mat, crotching himself on the ropes in the process.  Hulk meanders out and STILL WCW CHAMPION.

Hulk, Hart and Rodman go to leave and this event is only 2 hours and 18 minutes in.  Imagine if you paid full price for this??? Heenan keeps saying he doesn’t know what’s going on and Tony says so long.

You think the show is over, but Ric Flair is out – in pink boots and tights and a white tank top – to berate Vader for losing.  Dude, he just shrugged off two legdrops, this is not a good idea.  Naitch is way overacting, screaming about how Vader was supposed to end Hulkamania. They start tussling and Arn Anderson is out, also in pink – wth? The two Horsemen run away, with Flair accentuating how small the cage is by no-selling a fall from the top to the floor.  Vader calls Flair a “big nosed punk”.  Now that’s the wart-infested body calling the kettle black!

Heenan reiterates over and over that he has no idea what’s going on and the show ends at just 2 hours and 24 minutes. I think Bobby Heenan is having a stroke.

Match Rating: 7.0

Surf Rating: 10.0. A wrestling PPV on the beach! Nothing else needs said – the quintessential beach vibes show. Plus, Ric Flair in his beachwear and Baywatch.

BASH AT THE BEACH 1996

Sting, “Macho Man” Randy Savage & Lex Luger

vs. The Outsiders & A Mystery Partner

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Wow. And now we come to one of wrestling’s most historic nights.  Let’s take a quick look back at how we got there.

Hulk Hogan’s long tenure as WCW World Heavyweight Champion would end at Halloween Havoc ’95, where he would drop the belt to the debuting Giant.  Those two would feud well into ’96, with Hogan coming out on top at SuperBrawl VI.  As for the title, Ric Flair and “Macho Man” Randy Savage would end up trading that back and forth throughout the first part of the year.

Hulk and Savage reunited in the fairly infamous Doomsday Cage Match at Uncensored ’96, defeating The Alliance To End Hulkamania – an 8-man coalition that featured the likes of Flair, Lex Luger, The Dungeon Of Doom and bad guys from the No Holds Barred movie.  Yeah, really.

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Just keep adding cages till I say when.

In a way, Uncensored was the end of a chapter in WCW.  Afterwards, Hogan appearances became sporadic. Lex Luger turned face (tenuously) and chased The Giant for the World Title.  WCW was just kind of chugging along as normal until the unthinkable occurred.  They found themselves in the midst of a HOSTILE TAKEOVER.

In May, the man known to WWF fans as Razor Ramon made his surprising debut on Nitro, announcing that he was the beginning of an invasion to take over the company.  The implication was that the WWF was sending their biggest stars south for war. Fans would see their dream matches come true as the two companies finally clashed in one ring for dominance.

The reality was that Razor (aka Scott Hall) had jumped ship to WCW, but it was an intriguing storyline to be sure.  Next to appear was Kevin Nash, aka former WWF Champion Diesel.  Hall and Nash began referring to themselves as The Outsiders and challenged the entire company to a 6-man tag team match.

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You and us. 3-on-3!

Somewhere along the way, Eric Bischoff was murdered via jackknife powerbomb off of the entrance stage, a move that was shocking at the time.  Though Bischoff was an on-screen announcer, smart fans knew he was actually running the show behind the scenes.  It was the first time he’d be the victim of any on-screen violence either way.

With an invasion imminent and the Outsiders’ challenge accepted, WCW did the most WCW thing they could do – hold a RANDOM LOTTERY to determine what three men would take on the invaders at Bash At The Beach.  In WCW’s eyes, it didn’t matter if they sent Ric Flair or Ice Train out there, as long as everything was completely fair and everyone had a shot.

With that “random” lottery, we amazingly scored the team of “Macho Man” Randy Savage, Sting and Lex Luger – the three most over faces in the entire company. So, you know.  The Outsiders claimed that they wouldn’t reveal their third man until the PPV, but did say that he was a WCW “insider”.   This put tension within the WCW team as well as within all of WCW.  The “Outsiders Third Man” was a really well built PPV storyline.

So Bash At The Beach rolls around and we are LIVE from Daytona Beach.  Sadly, we’re not ON Daytona Beach, but WCW does impress with their best stage dressing yet. My favorite is the giant beach ball.  The ramp is once again set up like a boardwalk, with sand everywhere.

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All this for Psicosis?

The show kicks off with a video detailing the HOSTILE TAKEOVER.  The Outsiders are shown raising a ruckus at WCW shows.  My favorite part is showing the security officers in the ring with their HANDS ON THEIR GUNS.  WCW HAS AUTHORIZED THE USE OF EXTREME FORCE!

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Shoot to kill.

Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan and Dusty Rhodes are your hosts, and there appears to be no set dress code this year.  I fast forward to see Mean Gene live from backstage, where he’s listening at a closed door.  He said he hears the “third man” speaking in the locker room. The voice is muffled but something about it sounds familiar.  He just can’t put his finger on it.

They show a longer version of the HOSTILE TAKEOVER video and the sound editing on this is just terrible. It’s hard to impossible to understand the dialog over the generic music.  This may be a WWE Network music rights thing, because this would never pass any sort of quality assurance.  Then again, shouldn’t the WWE Network have some sort of QA on their music edits? <THREE THINKING EMOJIS>

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Check out the big bird on my finger, chico.

The Outsiders make their entrance first, to no music. Michael Buffer does the introduction, which does not include announcing their names.  Buffer says, “We were told that there would be THREE of these interlopers.”

Sensing something amiss, Mean Gene makes his way to the ring to ask just what in the holy heck is going on.  Scott Hall calls Gene “Scheme Gene” in a nod to the awful WWF vignettes made to mock WCW featuring “the Huckster” and “Billionair Ted”. Don’t go look them up, they make Mad Magazine look like…I don’t know, I’m comparing a magazine to wrestling vignettes. They sucked.

When Gene asks about the third man, Nash says he’s in the arena but they’ve got enough to handle things right now.  Heenan and Nischoff are losing their minds about the third man on commentary, saying it could be anyone.  Seriously, I start wondering if I’m the third man. Maybe we’re all the third man.

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And there’s a free face painting booth for all the kiddies, yeah.

Sting, Macho and Luger make their way to the ring to Sting’s music. Buffer announces them as “The Defenders of WCW”.  In a nice show of unity, all three are wearing Sting facepaint.

The bell rings and it’s 2-on-3 to start.  I realize that no one is calling The Outsiders by any name at all.  Schiavone refers to Nash as “the big guy” and Hall as “the big guy.”

The Defenders work the 3-on-2 advantage and Macho works the big guy in one corner while Luger holds the big guy for a Stinger Splash in the other corner.  Unfortunately, Luger gets knocked off of the apron by the Stinger Splash and he is dead dead dead.  A stretcher comes out immediately, and we are conveniently 2-on-2.  No rhyme or reason for Lex to be so incapacitated, but Dusty does a good job selling it on commentary as his head hitting the ring post.  This also feeds into the “insider” worry – is Luger the third man? Are the EMTs the third man?

After 24 minutes of match and pre-match, Tony Schiavone finally calls the Outsiders “Hall and Nash”.  That was getting very awkward.  Macho Man makes the comeback on Nash and Dusty is screaming “WHO BE BAD NOW? WHO BE BAD NOW?” He be bad, Dream. Mach be bad.

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If there’s time to lean, there’s time to clean.

Nash and Savage somehow manage to botch a standing elbow drop, with Nash falling on Macho’s head.  Macho no-sells but that looked yucky.  Sting comes in to get beat on for a while.  First the big guy stomps him, then the big guy tags in and pummels him.

Not much from a technical standpoint, but the mystery is the drama of this entire match.  The Outsiders are definitely made to look strong though. Sting finally makes his comeback and gets the hot tag to a revived Randy Savage.  Savage is a house of fire with axe handles and elbows.  Dream screams, “RANDY SAVAGE IS IN AND HE’S NUTS!”

Macho’s comeback is stopped dead by a low blow.  “WHO NUTS BE BAD NOW?”  This draws out Hulk Hogan, who wasn’t even booked for the show.  You don’t think? Nah. The Outsiders bail and Hulkster berates them. He rips the shirt…then hits the big legdrop on Macho Man. THIS CAN’T BE! HOGAN IS THE THIRD MAN!!!!

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NO!

Hogan hits a second legdrop for good measure and the Outsiders are back in the ring laughing.  Hall and Nash vanquish Sting and start doing Hulk Hogan posedowns to a chorus of boos. Garbage just rains in the ring as the newly heel Hulk Hogan taunts the crowd.  First time I remember trash being thrown in the ring like this. It would become a staple during this era.

The match is over with no finish. The faces leave with their tail tucked between their legs, their souls too wounded to fight. We can only assume Lex Luger has been rushed to a nearby medical facility.  Mean Gene is in the ring, disgusted.  Hogan says, “Tell these people to shut if up you wanna hear what I have to say.” Boos.  Hulk is loving it.

Hulk says this is the “new world order of wrestling.” Hulk says The Outsiders (who he keeps calling the New Blood) are from the “organization up north” and “who knows more about that organization” than him.  Hogan says he made people up north rich.  He says then Billionaire Ted brought him down south with all of these promises of money and opportunity, but two years in and he’s bored. That’s why he’s with the new blood.

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You can call this the new breed world organization, dude! Stick it up your butts!

As garbage comes down, Hogan says all of this crap in the ring represents the WCW fans.  Hulk says for two years he did everything for the charities and the kids, and the fans didn’t appreciate him.  That’s a shoot comment on his cooling reception if there ever was one. Hulk says now the fans can stick it.  He says there wouldn’t be wrestling without Hulk Hogan.  He says Eric Bischoff would still be selling meat (huh?).  Hulk says while the other WCW guys were still bumming gas for their cars in high school, he was selling out the world.

Hulk wraps up his promo by calling the nWo the “New World Organization” a couple of times, but overall this was epic.

Tony Schiavone says that we have just seen the end of Hulkamania.  He closes the show with, “Hulk Hogan – you can go to hell!”

Match Rating: 8.0.  From a story perspective, this was amazing. The Luger swerve worked well, too.  Not much to be said of the in-ring part, but this was all story.

Surf Rating: 6.0.  The set continues to get better and better, but none of the matches had a beach theme.  To be honest, the whole third man storyline overshadowed the beachiness of the PPV.  A must see but only tangentially beachy.

WCW BASH AT THE BEACH 1997

WCW World Heavyweight Champion Hollywood Hogan & Dennis Rodman (w/”Macho Man Randy Savage)

vs. Lex Luger & The Giant

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With the rise of the nWo at Bash At The Beach ’96, WCW was never the same again.  The nWo became the hottest ticket in wrestling, with the newly dubbed Hollywood Hogan and The Outsiders running rampant over WCW.  Hogan defeated The Giant for the WCW World Heavyweight Title and famously spray-painted nWo on the belt.  The Giant joined the nWo shortly after.  Macho Man eventually turned to the black and white as well. The Outsiders took the WCW Tag Titles hostage. Eric Bischoff was revealed to be in with the nWo all along, giving the group nearly unlimited power.

So where was Sting in all of this?  Well, that’s an interesting question.  Sting’s loyalty to WCW came into question when the nWo used a fake Sting to convince Sting’s friends and fans that he’d turned.  Wounded by the insinuation, Sting would go goth and disappear into the rafters.  Sting was a teenage girl.  Sting wouldn’t wrestle for 15 months. Now that’s butt hurt.

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You. Me. Wiffle Ball.

As the nWo grew, WCW became more and more helpless.  The nWo, however, became more vulnerable, as personalities clashed and new weaknesses were revealed.  The Giant was tossed out of the group and joined Lex Luger. Together, they led the WCW resistance.  The duo was able to defeat Hall & Nash for the tag team titles, but Bischoff overruled the ref’s decision.

Lex set his sights on Hollywood Hogan’s WCW Title and won a Four Corners Match at Spring Stampede to become the #1 Contender.  With Luger nipping at his heels, Hogan drafted a new member to the nWo to help take down Lex and The Giant.  That man was, of course, Dennis Rodman.

Dennis Rodman? Yeah, remember back at Bash ’95 when Rodman was in Hogan’s corner against Vader? Well, apparently they kept in touch, because Rodzilla joined the nWo two years later and set out to make his wrestling debut at Bash ’97.

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Looking cool.

And that brings us back to Daytona for Bash At The Beach 1997.  The dress code has changed AGAIN with Tony Schiavone and Bobby Heenan sporting Hawaiian shirts.  Both guys and Dusty Rhodes also have on leis.  Schiavone notes that it’s the one year anniversary of the infamous formation of the nWo, marking how the effects are still being felt today.

The set is – well, it’s the same set as last year, just all the junk is moved around. I see the beach ball lying in the back.  I guess WCW just rented a Daytona storage space and said, we’ll see you next year.  Seeing this set again – the sand and boardwalk and the painted backdrop, all lit on a stage in a darkened arena – it’s a weird effect.  It looks like a bad set from the original Star Trek.

Not much beachiness, but let’s get to our main event. Michael Buffer is here and the good guys are out first. Buffer notes that Lex Luger is known for his “Rack of Doom”.  Michael Buffer saw the name “Human Torture Rack” and thought, yeah, but you know what’s really cool? Doom.

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WCW was paying for pyro in 1997.

Buffer notes that this match is a match that has never even been dreamed of.  If you told me your dream match involved Dennis Rodman, I’d think you were high.  If you said it would also involve Lex Luger teaming with The Big Show, I’d KNOW you were high.

The nWo is out second, and Buffer is thrown off that “Macho Man” Randy Savage is escorting the team out.  Buffer notes that Dennis Rodman (or, Rod The Bod, if you go way back) is basketball’s “bad boy, so good that he can be as bad as he wants to be, which is very bad.”  If you thought there was an ounce of good in this boy, you were wrong.

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#1997Selfie

Buffer introduces Hollywood as 275 lbs of talent, power, and danger.  Who is approving these intros? And can you ever get used to Hulk Hogan not being 303 lbs?

The bell rings and it’s Hogan and Luger face to face. You’d think, this being a Hogan match, we’d kick off with lots of stalling, but Hollywood goes straight for an amateur-style takedown. Well done, Hollywood. Lex gets back to his feet and, oh here it is, here’s the stalling.

Lex flexes. Hulk begs off. Hulk poses. They lockup. Hulk says Lex pulled his hair. It’s Heel 101 with Professor Hollywood.

We get about 10 minutes into this and Dennis Rodman is tagged in.  If you’re wondering, Rodman has raspberry hair and raspberry rouge.

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Rodman steps foot into the ring with great anticipation.  And we get – more stalling.  Rodman poses and taunts the crowd.  Heenan says outright, “THIS IS A STALL.”   I don’t know if someone yelled at him, because then he notes that he’s “seen this happen a lot in tag team matches.”  Yeah, Hulk Hogan tag team matches.

Rodman finally locks up with Lex and it’s an ARMDRAG!!! My Lord, this kid can wrestle!!! Big “Rodman Sucks” chant.  Lex responds with TWO ARMDRAGS! Hollywood is in to eat TWO MORE ARMDRAGS!  The nWo moves to the outside to regroup with Macho.  Clearly armdrags were not in the plan, brother!

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Dennis Rodman – The Greatest Wrestler Of All-Time

I was wrong earlier. I see Rodman’s hair is more of a Neapolitan now that his headband has been knocked off.

Hogan is back in the ring and Luger tags out to The Giant. Hollwood makes the “I’m gonna slam you like Andre” motion.  Hulk Hogan – Bodyslamming Big Guys Since ’87!

The Giant uses his chokeslam taunt and Hollywood runs away like Scooby Doo. The crowd is hot for the Giant.  Giant hits an atomic drop on Hogan and that brings Dennis Rodman back into the mix.  Rodman says the Giant ain’t so tall.

Rodzilla locks up with The Giant and hits a knee to his gut.  Irish whip and Rodman leap frogs the big man, which you have to admit is impressive.  Giant rebounds and Rodman tries it again, only to be caught in a bearhug.  Less impressive.

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This is hurting me more than it’s hurting you!

Rod goes down and The Giant starts SPANKING HIS BUTT.  This blatant corporate punishment draws in the Hulkster, who breaks up a double arm chokeslam.  Hollywood starts hitting all of his favorite heel tactics – the backrake, the pummel in the corner.  He yells for Rodman to raise his foot and slams the Giant’s face into the boot.

Sensing victory, Hollywood goes for the cover, and Rodman leaps on top of them for good measure.  It’s a Hollywood sandwich with 7′ bread and somebody’s gonna get SPANKED if they ain’t careful.  The Giant kicks out of the pin like the monster he is. I WILL NOT BE A PART OF YOUR SANDWICH!

Lex gets the hot tag. He clotheslines Rodman.  Macho Man eats crap for good measure. Dusty’s screaming, “Hit the ref! Hit ’em all!”  But Dennis Rodman kicks Luger from the apron and that kills him dead.

Lex Luger is now getting the heel beatdown. Lots of chokes and elbows from Rodman. The nWo all hold hands and celebrates their imminent victory.  Giant is all, mf’ers act like they forgot about Dre, and breaks up the party.  Headbutts to everyone. Double noggin knocker to Hollywood and Rodman.

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Totally the real Sting.

It looks like WCW will prevail, but wait, it’s Sting!  Or a person dressed like Sting and wearing a Sting mask, even though Sting wears facepaint and NOT a mask.  But the announcers call it Sting anyway because they are dumb and dumb people do dumb things.

Rodman murders the referee and “Sting” takes a bat to The Giant. Giant goes down. THAT IS ASSAULT!

Somehow none of this matters and Lex revives to lock Hollywood in the Torture Rack (or Rack of Doom, if you will.)  Hollywood quickly decides that he’ll live to fight another day and taps out.   WCW WINS!

bash97
Do You Feel The DOOM?!?

Lex racks The Worm and Macho Man as the crowd goes crazy.  The heels bolt and Hollywood tells the camera that Lex and Giant are cheaters because Luger wasn’t the legal man.  Dennis Rodman says they’re still sweet, still sweet.  FIN.

Match Rating: 5.0.  Pretty standard celebrity match, but the crowd was hot for it.  Maybe I enjoyed the drama of it more than I should have, but some of the Hogan matches I reviewed for the Havoc Headliners series were so bad that this was just merely inoffensive.

Surf Rating: 4.5.  The same set as the year before, and while it was fairly impressive, it just looks more like a facade than ever.  You got to at least blow up a second big beach ball before I let that just slide.

And that puts a bow on Part 2 of Beach Battles! I hope you enjoyed all of the Hulk Hogan matches.  Come back next time for our look at the last 3 Bash At The Beach PPVs, featuring Goldberg, more Daytona Beach, and, yes, MORE DENNIS RODMAN!

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